September 17, 2015
I went through some stuff in my room today. I had many bankers boxes of papers and god knows what else all tossed in together and stacked in my room. Depression & anxiety does not play around. Its mantra is, "Fuck this, fuck that, you don't deserve to be able to see the carpet." I didn't exactly do a lot of filing, but I threw away lots of junk mail (YES I had junk mail from 2010) and receipts. I still have a dozen boxes to go. Egads, I know.
I finally FINALLY finished putting together my desk. I moved into this house in 2009. I have an L-shaped glass desk. I think I put together a half of it so I could have SOMETHING in 2010 or 2011. Today I finally put the entire thing together. There's so much room for activities!
I even found my bookends in a box! I put my study materials on my actual desk so that they can stare at me while I browse things online that will in no way determine my earning power.
Among the office supplies & old receipts in the boxes was a Queen box set, a compilation CD of the music they played at the Frankfurt Galaxy American football games in the late '90s, and a CD with about 15 pictures of a vacation I took with then-friends in 2003. So much fun listening to that music again and looking through those pictures! Great memories that I probably wouldn't have revisited today if I hadn't decided to find the junk mail to throw away in one single box.
We made pork chops & spinach for supper. That's all I had to eat all day besides coffee & milk. I consider it intermittent fasting. I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat. I didn't miss the food. I hope I have more days like that. Maybe the pictures I found today will help remind me of what it takes to get back down to my 2001 weight (I'd already gained 15 lbs in 2003).
Tonight I'm grateful for being able to remember some good times. I can't remember them all, and I feel like I should be able to remember more than I do. I don't know if it was the decade of medications or the insomnia that they caused. In any case, it makes me sad. So I'm super grateful that I can remember some.
I'm also grateful for the odd day when I feel super motivated and not hungry. I don't know whether that's hypomania or the pills I'm on for my cold sore. Meh. Doesn't matter, still cleaned.
Take care.
Showing posts with label twitter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twitter. Show all posts
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Procrastination and solidifying structure in one's own life
Writing about this subject may be another means of procrastination. But I want to put this out there so that if I fail, at least there is a record of me having tried, or maybe some of the compiled thoughts will help someone else. Besides--you only fail if you never try again, right? Right?
I don't consider myself to be self-disciplined at all. This may come as a surprise to people who know that I served "honorably" with the military for many years; that I own a home and keep my lawn semi-groomed; that I have well-fed pets; that if I wear a piece of clothing out of the house, it is most assuredly clean, dry, and serviceable; that my car is fairly well-maintained; and that much of my coursework for the degree that I finished last autumn was completed online. That last one is the one that really gets people. "You took and passed how many online classes? Oh my gosh, you must be really self disciplined!" No, there are plenty of external motivating factors in all those cases.
Most of the time, though, I have a hard time seeing reasons for motivation and reaping that "just do it" feeling until it's too late. But that isn't what this post is about. This post is about distractions and habits.
Over the years, I've seen several articles about internet addiction and social media addiction. Some people describe their Netflix viewing as "binge watching." I am not a scientist and, if it is possible to be addicted to these things, I'm not sure I meet the criteria for addiction. I have recently begun to come to grips with the thought, though, that my overusing these leisure outlets is negatively impacting my life. If not negatively impacting it, then it is at least hampering my progress. I don't blame anyone but myself.
Twitter and Netflix were absolutely necessary to my survival during a time in my life when I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I wasn't seriously contemplating suicide, but I didn't want to live anymore, either. I found so many wonderful people on Twitter who understood that, and I was able to joke with them about it and share coping mechanisms. I'm forever grateful for the lifeline Twitter gave me. Netflix was also wonderful because I could immerse myself in characters' lives and forget mine. Lots of mindfulness proponents might disagree with me, but escapism was and is a huge coping mechanism for me against anxiety and clinical major depression.
And it's not just escapism. I read an article recently that mentioned that viewers can form para-social bonds with movie & TV characters. So basically, a combination of social networking and Netflix has acted as a stand-in for in-the-flesh socializing for me. For years. I think I needed that at one point when I couldn't see or feel hope and had no energy, inclination, or money to leave the couch, much less my house. But more and more often now, I feel like it's not enough.
My major depression is in semi-remission, so I think I should use this opportunity of the leg-up out of the pit to try to make my life better while I can. Statistics say that I will experience another devastating episode of major depression sometime in my life, so I need to make hay while the sun peeks from behind the clouds.
About a month an a half ago, I ran across a comic ("Is That Not Worth Exploring" by James Rhodes, illustrated by Zen Pencils)--probably on reddit--that made me think. It deals with identifying the unimportant stuff you spend time on and replacing those activities with something meaningful. At least, that's the way I interpreted it. I set the URL to the comic as the pinned tweet on my Twitter profile, hoping that more people would see it and be inspired. Of course, I've not taken Rhodes's advice, but I do think of his words once in a while and sorta hate myself for not doing anything. It has made me think, though.
Lately I've been wondering, "what did I do with my leisure time before I had internet access at home?" And then I realized, "oh, I don't just browse social media and watch Netflix during leisure time. I also do it while I'm supposed to be doing other stuff, like studying, housekeeping, applying for jobs, etc."
As you may know, I am overweight. I like to eat. Most days I eat many times when I'm not even hungry, and then I feel physically and emotionally awful. I mean, yes, I get a mood boost from the food, but then I am upset with myself because I know that overeating leads to weight gain. At one point, I decided to look into Overeaters Anonymous. I thought, "how can OA possibly work when the whole idea behind AA (on which it's based) is abstinence from the substance? Everyone NEEDS food." Turns out that OA's definition of abstinence is only eating planned meals and snacks. It gives a structure. That made sense to me. I tried it for a while on my own (I have never attended an OA meeting), but suffice to say I would not have earned any sobriety coins. I can still see that it makes sense, though, and could work for me. I know that because imposed structure worked for me in the military for many years. The problem is that if I'm the one trying to impose the structure upon myself, I am too lenient with myself.
So here I am, recognizing that I've been making horrible use of my time and that I need structure. I've had way too many zero days, especially in the past four years. But what should I do? Where should I start?
I think I should instill new habits. I'm in an enviable position right now, one where I do not have a job to go to every morning, so my schedule can be anything I want as long as I'm moving toward my goals (and as long as the schedule doesn't cost more money--I'm on a tight budget). You might hear that revamping one's entire lifestyle can be stressful, and that each little habit should be overhauled one at a time. But I have plenty of zero days in the bank to show me that even if I fail on changing most habits every single day, I will still have done more in a few months than I have in the past four years. So why not change everything at once? Fuck it, let's go.
Everyone's probably heard or read that it takes 21 days to instill a new habit. This, obviously, has been contested by psychologists and life coaches, so I'm not going to make this a 21 day challenge. This will be over a few months, starting today and going through December 31, 2015, at least. Let's see what I can accomplish.
Like many of you, I love lists. I love making them, I love checking things off, I love running across them in a junk drawer years later and laughing about how many things I didn't check off and that seem trivial in retrospect. In this case, I don't need a list because the number one thing on my list is studying. Everything except fitness & housekeeping seems to hinge on money.
Since I've already identified how much I rely on Twitter & Netflix to distract me, I'm going to say that I will no longer be on Twitter and will not watch Netflix (or regular TV) between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. (local). This will probably seem ridiculous to people who have no problem with this stuff but, in my case, this is absolutely necessary.
I will probably spend the rest of the day bouncing between studying and making new rules/revising my daily guidelines/creating Excel spreadsheets to track everything. Which is more procrastinating--unless it works. *squints at the screen*
My brain is panicking a little right now about staying off Twitter. "How will I know what's happening???" I have to keep reminding myself that
I'm reminded of basic training when we had no access to news of current events whatsoever. At some point, one of the women in my group remarked that it would be great if we could have access to newspapers. The answer given was that our being sequestered and away from the outside world was temporary and that outside news would not benefit our training. Hopefully, these thoughts will hold me over and calm my nerves.
I don't consider myself to be self-disciplined at all. This may come as a surprise to people who know that I served "honorably" with the military for many years; that I own a home and keep my lawn semi-groomed; that I have well-fed pets; that if I wear a piece of clothing out of the house, it is most assuredly clean, dry, and serviceable; that my car is fairly well-maintained; and that much of my coursework for the degree that I finished last autumn was completed online. That last one is the one that really gets people. "You took and passed how many online classes? Oh my gosh, you must be really self disciplined!" No, there are plenty of external motivating factors in all those cases.
Most of the time, though, I have a hard time seeing reasons for motivation and reaping that "just do it" feeling until it's too late. But that isn't what this post is about. This post is about distractions and habits.
Over the years, I've seen several articles about internet addiction and social media addiction. Some people describe their Netflix viewing as "binge watching." I am not a scientist and, if it is possible to be addicted to these things, I'm not sure I meet the criteria for addiction. I have recently begun to come to grips with the thought, though, that my overusing these leisure outlets is negatively impacting my life. If not negatively impacting it, then it is at least hampering my progress. I don't blame anyone but myself.
Twitter and Netflix were absolutely necessary to my survival during a time in my life when I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I wasn't seriously contemplating suicide, but I didn't want to live anymore, either. I found so many wonderful people on Twitter who understood that, and I was able to joke with them about it and share coping mechanisms. I'm forever grateful for the lifeline Twitter gave me. Netflix was also wonderful because I could immerse myself in characters' lives and forget mine. Lots of mindfulness proponents might disagree with me, but escapism was and is a huge coping mechanism for me against anxiety and clinical major depression.
And it's not just escapism. I read an article recently that mentioned that viewers can form para-social bonds with movie & TV characters. So basically, a combination of social networking and Netflix has acted as a stand-in for in-the-flesh socializing for me. For years. I think I needed that at one point when I couldn't see or feel hope and had no energy, inclination, or money to leave the couch, much less my house. But more and more often now, I feel like it's not enough.
My major depression is in semi-remission, so I think I should use this opportunity of the leg-up out of the pit to try to make my life better while I can. Statistics say that I will experience another devastating episode of major depression sometime in my life, so I need to make hay while the sun peeks from behind the clouds.
About a month an a half ago, I ran across a comic ("Is That Not Worth Exploring" by James Rhodes, illustrated by Zen Pencils)--probably on reddit--that made me think. It deals with identifying the unimportant stuff you spend time on and replacing those activities with something meaningful. At least, that's the way I interpreted it. I set the URL to the comic as the pinned tweet on my Twitter profile, hoping that more people would see it and be inspired. Of course, I've not taken Rhodes's advice, but I do think of his words once in a while and sorta hate myself for not doing anything. It has made me think, though.
Lately I've been wondering, "what did I do with my leisure time before I had internet access at home?" And then I realized, "oh, I don't just browse social media and watch Netflix during leisure time. I also do it while I'm supposed to be doing other stuff, like studying, housekeeping, applying for jobs, etc."
As you may know, I am overweight. I like to eat. Most days I eat many times when I'm not even hungry, and then I feel physically and emotionally awful. I mean, yes, I get a mood boost from the food, but then I am upset with myself because I know that overeating leads to weight gain. At one point, I decided to look into Overeaters Anonymous. I thought, "how can OA possibly work when the whole idea behind AA (on which it's based) is abstinence from the substance? Everyone NEEDS food." Turns out that OA's definition of abstinence is only eating planned meals and snacks. It gives a structure. That made sense to me. I tried it for a while on my own (I have never attended an OA meeting), but suffice to say I would not have earned any sobriety coins. I can still see that it makes sense, though, and could work for me. I know that because imposed structure worked for me in the military for many years. The problem is that if I'm the one trying to impose the structure upon myself, I am too lenient with myself.
So here I am, recognizing that I've been making horrible use of my time and that I need structure. I've had way too many zero days, especially in the past four years. But what should I do? Where should I start?
I think I should instill new habits. I'm in an enviable position right now, one where I do not have a job to go to every morning, so my schedule can be anything I want as long as I'm moving toward my goals (and as long as the schedule doesn't cost more money--I'm on a tight budget). You might hear that revamping one's entire lifestyle can be stressful, and that each little habit should be overhauled one at a time. But I have plenty of zero days in the bank to show me that even if I fail on changing most habits every single day, I will still have done more in a few months than I have in the past four years. So why not change everything at once? Fuck it, let's go.
Everyone's probably heard or read that it takes 21 days to instill a new habit. This, obviously, has been contested by psychologists and life coaches, so I'm not going to make this a 21 day challenge. This will be over a few months, starting today and going through December 31, 2015, at least. Let's see what I can accomplish.
Like many of you, I love lists. I love making them, I love checking things off, I love running across them in a junk drawer years later and laughing about how many things I didn't check off and that seem trivial in retrospect. In this case, I don't need a list because the number one thing on my list is studying. Everything except fitness & housekeeping seems to hinge on money.
I will probably spend the rest of the day bouncing between studying and making new rules/revising my daily guidelines/creating Excel spreadsheets to track everything. Which is more procrastinating--unless it works. *squints at the screen*
My brain is panicking a little right now about staying off Twitter. "How will I know what's happening???" I have to keep reminding myself that
- It's not forever, I'll check in in the morning & evening
- I have emergency alerts set up on my phone if we need to evacuate for weather or anything.
I'm reminded of basic training when we had no access to news of current events whatsoever. At some point, one of the women in my group remarked that it would be great if we could have access to newspapers. The answer given was that our being sequestered and away from the outside world was temporary and that outside news would not benefit our training. Hopefully, these thoughts will hold me over and calm my nerves.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Sci-Fi TV & Movies (Updated 20160617)
This is to keep track of what I've seen and would like to see. My memory is not great. I might as well have an easily-accessible list.
This is not an all-inclusive list. I'm just populating it as I think of things.
Do not chew me out for not having watched your favorite. I may have seen it and forgotten to list it. That being said, please tweet me your suggestion (@binkytoes). :-)
I am not interested in debating whether something on this list qualifies as sci-fi.
To Watch:
-Mr. Nobody (movie)
-Brazil (1985)
-BSG classic (series)
-Barbarella (movie, I keep falling asleep when I start it lol)
-LEXX
-Cleopatra 2525
-Sanctuary
-The Expanse
-Falling Skies (maybe?)
Watched:
Series
-Star Trek TOS
-Star Trek Voyager
-Star Trek DS9
-Star Trek TNG (almost all)
-Star Trek Enterprise
-Revolution (some)
-Firefly
-Continuum
-Doctor Who Reboot (trying to stay current)
-Doctor Who Classic (all that's available for legal streaming via Netflix and/or Amazon Prime Instant)
-Sliders (some)
-Red Dwarf (all, including TV movie & 2012 episodes)
-Battlestar Galactica reboot
-Eureka
-Warehouse 13 (some)
-The 4400
-Falling Skies (some)
-Farscape (including Peacekeeper Wars)
-Stargate: SG-1
-Stargate: Atlantis
-Stargate: Universe
-Terra Nova
-The Tomorrow People (1 episode)
-Under the Dome (1 episode?)
-Extant (S01)
-The 100 (S01)
-Defiance (trying to stay current)
-Dark Matter (S01)
Movies
-Serenity
-Star Trek (not sure which/how many off the top of my head)
-Star Wars (not sure which/how many off the top of my head)
-Mars Attacks
-Cherry 2000
-Stargate
-Stargate: Continuum
-Stargate: The Ark of Truth
-Ex Machina
-Bladerunner
-2001: A Space Odyssey
-2010: The Year We Make Contact
-Brainstorm
-ET
-Contact
-Dune
-Equilibrium (1/3)
-A.I.
-Avatar
-BTTF (pretty sure I've seen all)
-Close Encounters
-District 9
-The Matrix
-Robocop
-Terminator (all)
-Total Recall
-War of the Worlds (Tom Cruise version)
-The Day the Earth Stood Still (yet can never remember the phrase "Klaatu barada nikto." Earth would've been F'd if it'd been up to me to deliver the message.)
-Gattaca
-The Fifth Element
-Looper
-Elysium
-Snowpiercer
-Edge of Tomorrow
-John Carter (AND LIKED IT)
-Men in Black (all)
-Independence Day (first)
-I, Robot
-After Earth
-Oblivion
-Vanilla Sky
-Minority Report
-The Brother from Another Planet
-Starman
-The Last Starfighter
-The Abyss
-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
This is not an all-inclusive list. I'm just populating it as I think of things.
Do not chew me out for not having watched your favorite. I may have seen it and forgotten to list it. That being said, please tweet me your suggestion (@binkytoes). :-)
I am not interested in debating whether something on this list qualifies as sci-fi.
To Watch:
-Mr. Nobody (movie)
-Brazil (1985)
-BSG classic (series)
-Barbarella (movie, I keep falling asleep when I start it lol)
-LEXX
-Cleopatra 2525
-Sanctuary
-The Expanse
-Falling Skies (maybe?)
Watched:
Series
-Star Trek TOS
-Star Trek Voyager
-Star Trek DS9
-Star Trek TNG (almost all)
-Star Trek Enterprise
-Revolution (some)
-Firefly
-Continuum
-Doctor Who Reboot (trying to stay current)
-Doctor Who Classic (all that's available for legal streaming via Netflix and/or Amazon Prime Instant)
-Sliders (some)
-Red Dwarf (all, including TV movie & 2012 episodes)
-Battlestar Galactica reboot
-Eureka
-Warehouse 13 (some)
-The 4400
-Falling Skies (some)
-Farscape (including Peacekeeper Wars)
-Stargate: SG-1
-Stargate: Atlantis
-Stargate: Universe
-Terra Nova
-The Tomorrow People (1 episode)
-Under the Dome (1 episode?)
-Extant (S01)
-The 100 (S01)
-Defiance (trying to stay current)
-Dark Matter (S01)
Movies
-Serenity
-Star Trek (not sure which/how many off the top of my head)
-Star Wars (not sure which/how many off the top of my head)
-Mars Attacks
-Cherry 2000
-Stargate
-Stargate: Continuum
-Stargate: The Ark of Truth
-Ex Machina
-Bladerunner
-2001: A Space Odyssey
-2010: The Year We Make Contact
-Brainstorm
-ET
-Contact
-Dune
-Equilibrium (1/3)
-A.I.
-Avatar
-BTTF (pretty sure I've seen all)
-Close Encounters
-District 9
-The Matrix
-Robocop
-Terminator (all)
-Total Recall
-War of the Worlds (Tom Cruise version)
-The Day the Earth Stood Still (yet can never remember the phrase "Klaatu barada nikto." Earth would've been F'd if it'd been up to me to deliver the message.)
-Gattaca
-The Fifth Element
-Looper
-Elysium
-Snowpiercer
-Edge of Tomorrow
-John Carter (AND LIKED IT)
-Men in Black (all)
-Independence Day (first)
-I, Robot
-After Earth
-Oblivion
-Vanilla Sky
-Minority Report
-The Brother from Another Planet
-Starman
-The Last Starfighter
-The Abyss
-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Monday, April 7, 2014
Coping
“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” - St. Francis of Assisi
If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I talk about (and/or RT items of interest pertaining to) Depression weekly if not daily. That's because I struggle with it daily.
I was diagnosed a bit over ten years ago. For much of that time, I was medicated. It helped somewhat, but the side effects were too much to bear. In particular, I could not sleep through the night. My doc ordered a sleep study and found that I had approximately 80 arousals per hour, but I had no apnea.
Because of subsequent events, I learned that my antidepressants were causing the sleep disturbances. [Update (January 20, 2015): The New York Times profiled comedian Maria Bamford a few months ago. I found it interesting that she sleeps ten hours each night. It never occurred to me to schedule in extra hours of sleep so that I'd get enough, and none of my doctors recommended it. They only told me to take my meds at a different time of day (that didn't help), or turn my alarm clock around so I wouldn't realize I'd awakened during the night (WTF??), and take a pill to sleep (Ambien) and a pill to help me wake up (Nuvigil). However, with the number of arousals I experienced during my sleep study, I don't know that 10 hours would've been enough for me, personally. It is something I will try next time I need meds, though.] Now I don't take antidepressants, and I still struggle with Depression and Anxiety daily in one aspect or another.
Since I am intolerant of antidepressants, I have had to seek out other ways to help me feel better. Some people may consider these measure "woo-woo" since they're not pharmaceutical-based or therapy done with the guidance of a psychologist, but none of it is faith healing and crystals.
Here are some of the things I've done and how I think they help:
1. Greatly reduced sugar intake; helps prevent dips in energy that lead to low mood. My GP is on board with this and said that once I cut out sugar, my triglyceride, glucose, and A1C results improved.
2. Take vitamins and supplements daily.
3. Tetris. The article I read recommended it for traumatic experiences. But it seems like Depression makes me an exposed nerve, so every disappointment or rejection is potentially traumatic. Sometimes I have invasive thoughts about long-past events that still elicit a strong emotional response from me. For the past week or so, whenever I notice on of these popping into my head, I stop what I'm doing and play Tetris while I work through the feelings. I don't know how it works, but it seems to have helped a bit. I feel happier and my mind is clearer. Obviously I'm not miraculously cured of Depression and Anxiety, but I think it has helped.
4. SuperBetter.com. Check out Jane McGonigal's TED Talk on how games can add years to your life. SuperBetter gives me small, increasingly challenging daily goals that I can accomplish to help me build success and self esteem. It is helping me think of different aspects of my life that, because of the Depression and Anxiety, I may be actively avoiding or inadvertently neglecting. [Update (January 20, 2015): I haven't used SuperBetter in a long time, but I think it was one of the stepping stones to help me build confidence when I had none.]
5. I keep in daily contact with friends and family via texts, email, Facebook, and Twitter. My resources are quite limited right now, and none of my friends or family live within 30 miles of my home. I see my family about once per month. I limit my trips "to town" to once per week because gas is expensive. Keeping in touch online helps a lot.
6. I've fostered friendships on Twitter with people who have also experienced Depression and/or Anxiety. They are sort of my group therapy, and Twitter is available 24x7.
7. Offer encouragement to persevere to anyone who I perceive is struggling. Hearing encouragement pour through my own brain helps me convince myself that everyone has value and that life is worth living.
8. Comedy. Comedy podcasts, in particular. Most stand-up comedy in general. Many different kinds of podcasts in addition to the comedy ones. They are a welcome diversion, especially on my worst days. Sometimes they enable me to get a few chores done. I put in my earbuds, stick my phone in my pocket, and find out what The Nerdist or Marc Maron are up to. I have a list of some of my favorite podcasts here. If you want to know you're not alone, check out The Mental Illness Happy Hour. [Note: I added this item after I put out the link via Twitter. I can't believe I forgot to list it. Podcasts & comedy have been super important to my healing.]
9. Kindness. Be kind to others. Give them the benefit of the doubt. It becomes a habit and makes it easier to transition from negative to positive self-talk. Everyone is struggling with something. (Added 1/20/2015.)
I did not list it as something I do because it would be dishonest, but there is a lot of evidence to support exercising as a top way to work your way through Depression. I see being able to exercise as an ultimate goal. That is how deep in Depression I feel. That's one reason why I use SuperBetter. I will get to the exercising regularly level someday.
I will never completely discount medication as an option. It did help me when I was first diagnosed. I think if I have a bad episode again, I will opt for medication. But until then I will rely heavily on my coping mechanisms and do what I can to make my brain physically healthy.
Wishing you peace.
--------------------
You're welcome to follow me on Twitter: @binkytoes
If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I talk about (and/or RT items of interest pertaining to) Depression weekly if not daily. That's because I struggle with it daily.
I was diagnosed a bit over ten years ago. For much of that time, I was medicated. It helped somewhat, but the side effects were too much to bear. In particular, I could not sleep through the night. My doc ordered a sleep study and found that I had approximately 80 arousals per hour, but I had no apnea.
Because of subsequent events, I learned that my antidepressants were causing the sleep disturbances. [Update (January 20, 2015): The New York Times profiled comedian Maria Bamford a few months ago. I found it interesting that she sleeps ten hours each night. It never occurred to me to schedule in extra hours of sleep so that I'd get enough, and none of my doctors recommended it. They only told me to take my meds at a different time of day (that didn't help), or turn my alarm clock around so I wouldn't realize I'd awakened during the night (WTF??), and take a pill to sleep (Ambien) and a pill to help me wake up (Nuvigil). However, with the number of arousals I experienced during my sleep study, I don't know that 10 hours would've been enough for me, personally. It is something I will try next time I need meds, though.] Now I don't take antidepressants, and I still struggle with Depression and Anxiety daily in one aspect or another.
Since I am intolerant of antidepressants, I have had to seek out other ways to help me feel better. Some people may consider these measure "woo-woo" since they're not pharmaceutical-based or therapy done with the guidance of a psychologist, but none of it is faith healing and crystals.
Here are some of the things I've done and how I think they help:
1. Greatly reduced sugar intake; helps prevent dips in energy that lead to low mood. My GP is on board with this and said that once I cut out sugar, my triglyceride, glucose, and A1C results improved.
2. Take vitamins and supplements daily.
- Vitamin D: my GP found that I had a deficiency probably caused by the medication I have to take for reflux. My GP said that Vitamin D can affect pain tolerance. I've read that emotional pain is real, physical pain, so it makes sense to try to increase my pain tolerance.
- Iron (every three days): my GP found that I was slightly anemic which can affect energy levels.
- Fish oil: I read that it can help heal the brain but, even if it doesn't, there are plenty of other possible potential health benefits.
- Prenatal multivitamin: My GP said to take one, and I do seem to have more energy when I take it than I do if I skip it. Please note, I am 40 and do not want children. My doctor knows this, but I did not ask why in particular I should use the prenatal vitamins, I just do it.
- Potassium & magnesium supplements: I've read that magnesium chelate and potassium supplements are recommended for those who avoid grains.
- Melatonin: I guard my sleep jealously. I go to bed early so I'll have 9-10 hours in bed before I need to get up. I take melatonin an hour before I go to bed (ideally). Here's an article that suggests that there is a correlation between sleep quality and Depression. There are extended-release melatonin tablets as well as those that are absorbed more immediately. Personally, I cannot take the extended-release tablets because it stays in my system longer than I'm in bed. It gives me sort of a sleepy hangover, if you will, which is one reason I stopped taking Benadryl to help me sleep. It seems like not all brands of melatonin supplements work, either. The brand I've found that does seem to work is NatureMade. Note: Melatonin supplements did not work for me at all when I was on antidepressants. I don't know why, but I wouldn't doubt it's the same mechanism that caused sleep disturbances when I was on them, whatever that mechanism is. (Added 3/30/2017.)
3. Tetris. The article I read recommended it for traumatic experiences. But it seems like Depression makes me an exposed nerve, so every disappointment or rejection is potentially traumatic. Sometimes I have invasive thoughts about long-past events that still elicit a strong emotional response from me. For the past week or so, whenever I notice on of these popping into my head, I stop what I'm doing and play Tetris while I work through the feelings. I don't know how it works, but it seems to have helped a bit. I feel happier and my mind is clearer. Obviously I'm not miraculously cured of Depression and Anxiety, but I think it has helped.
4. SuperBetter.com. Check out Jane McGonigal's TED Talk on how games can add years to your life. SuperBetter gives me small, increasingly challenging daily goals that I can accomplish to help me build success and self esteem. It is helping me think of different aspects of my life that, because of the Depression and Anxiety, I may be actively avoiding or inadvertently neglecting. [Update (January 20, 2015): I haven't used SuperBetter in a long time, but I think it was one of the stepping stones to help me build confidence when I had none.]
5. I keep in daily contact with friends and family via texts, email, Facebook, and Twitter. My resources are quite limited right now, and none of my friends or family live within 30 miles of my home. I see my family about once per month. I limit my trips "to town" to once per week because gas is expensive. Keeping in touch online helps a lot.
6. I've fostered friendships on Twitter with people who have also experienced Depression and/or Anxiety. They are sort of my group therapy, and Twitter is available 24x7.
7. Offer encouragement to persevere to anyone who I perceive is struggling. Hearing encouragement pour through my own brain helps me convince myself that everyone has value and that life is worth living.
8. Comedy. Comedy podcasts, in particular. Most stand-up comedy in general. Many different kinds of podcasts in addition to the comedy ones. They are a welcome diversion, especially on my worst days. Sometimes they enable me to get a few chores done. I put in my earbuds, stick my phone in my pocket, and find out what The Nerdist or Marc Maron are up to. I have a list of some of my favorite podcasts here. If you want to know you're not alone, check out The Mental Illness Happy Hour. [Note: I added this item after I put out the link via Twitter. I can't believe I forgot to list it. Podcasts & comedy have been super important to my healing.]
9. Kindness. Be kind to others. Give them the benefit of the doubt. It becomes a habit and makes it easier to transition from negative to positive self-talk. Everyone is struggling with something. (Added 1/20/2015.)
I did not list it as something I do because it would be dishonest, but there is a lot of evidence to support exercising as a top way to work your way through Depression. I see being able to exercise as an ultimate goal. That is how deep in Depression I feel. That's one reason why I use SuperBetter. I will get to the exercising regularly level someday.
I will never completely discount medication as an option. It did help me when I was first diagnosed. I think if I have a bad episode again, I will opt for medication. But until then I will rely heavily on my coping mechanisms and do what I can to make my brain physically healthy.
Wishing you peace.
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