Monday, September 7, 2015

Diary 1

September 7, 2015

0812: I came up with a schedule. Obviously, it is taking as much effort to stick to as I thought it would (and dreaded), because I totally turned of my alarm this morning and am just now having breakfast. Breakfast, by the way, is an Herbalife shake with espresso powder mixed in. While it does contain sugar, it is not a huge meal, and that is what I'm going for right now: portion control. No, I don't sell Herbalife. I did use it to lose 30 lbs once, though, so I still have some lying around. Anyway, here's the first draft of my schedule.

See, it's past 8 a.m., and I'm having coffee/breakfast and blogging rather than studying. BUT I did close Twitter at 8 a.m. in accordance with the rule I made yesterday of no Twitter, Netflix, or TV between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. AND yesterday I did not use Twitter or Netflix (actually, it turned out to be Amazon Instant then Netflix) until 6 p.m.

We had chicken curry, rice, and corn (for sweetness to go with the spice) for supper last night. I overate. Two bites into supper, I realized I should've served mine in a smaller bowl rather than the soup bowl I used. Then, after I finished the bowl, I had seconds that consisted of about a third as much as I had the first time. I guess that might be some kind of progress, but I really should've started with a smaller helping the first time. The good news is I didn't feel miserable when I finished, and I put away all the food and washed dishes as soon as we finished eating. That is new! Thanks to not being enticed by Twitter, maybe? It also seemed to help that we ate around 6 p.m. and I went to bed (well, went to the shower) at 8 p.m., so I didn't have awful reflux when I climbed into bed.

I do take reflux meds every single night. A few years ago, I had an episode of what my doctor guesses was nutcracker esophagus (the name of which cracks me up to this day), and prescribed me basically a daily dose of Zantac and Prilosec (I've since switched from Rx to OTC as my new doc says it's cheaper and just as effective). He said I would have to take it forever to prevent that happening again. So every night, I take both. At one point, I was able to taper off of Prilosec when I'd lost about 25 lbs, but I've gained some of that back. I have ten pounds to lose before I'm at that weight again. My current doctor had suggested that I try to taper off of one or both because she suspects that they're interfering with nutritional absorption (no clue whether I'm saying that right). But I have a hiatal hernia as well as that history of the nutcracker esophagus (hehe), so I am not sure whether I'll ever be able to discontinue both.

It's taking longer to finish breakfast than I thought it would because of the ice I put into the shake and also because I've been typing. Oh, well.

My front yard is looking crummy, so I'll probably mow this morning. Hopefully the dew has dried enough by now (0841).

I am literally two hours behind my schedule at this point. 

1000: Finished mowing & edging the front yard. w00t! Shower time.

1041: Weighed in at 155.6 today. I'm officially back down to my July '15 weight. I was 164 in January. I'd gained back a bunch of weight after a break up in May '14.

1216: I actually studied. Time for a quick lunch, then I have to drive Mom to fill her prescriptions.

1242: I had last night's leftovers. I remembered to use a small bowl and didn't even pack it full of food. lol WIN. Had time to put away the dishes & load the dishwasher, too. Resisted the urge to browse Twitter while eating & browsed job listings on my Dice app instead.

1314: Waiting at the pharmacy for Mom to order her Rx. When I was studying, I realized how much I've forgotten. It's discouraging. I felt like I was drowning.

1340: Wandering around Walmart waiting for prescriptions to be filled, I feel very depressed, almost to the point of tears. My brain is replaying crap from 4yrs ago, things that I normally distract myself from thinking about with Twitter, Netflix, or podcasts. Things I can't change & may never be able to correct. Plus, I'm frustrated with Mom's weird possessive hoarder contrarian attitude. She needs pliers & a hammer. I told her I have extra in the garage she could literally have to keep for herself forever, but she ignored me, put pliers in the basket & continued looking for a hammer. Asshole. I have to remember I'm premenstrual & have a shorter temper today. But it always pisses me off when she unnecessarily buys brand new items to bring into my house when we both have histories of problems with clutter. I know she's thinking that she doesn't live with me, but in reality she does. I guess I have some problems with reality, too, but that doesn't give me patience when she buys stuff. I'm so frustrated.

1530: Back from Walmart with groceries, Mom's meds, and PLIERS in tow. I'm making meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and spinach for supper. When we got home around 2:40, I was looking at LinkedIn and some other recruiting websites (Modis, TriQuest, Volt). It's not looking good for me unless I can get these certs. I feel hopeless. Volt had a career fair ("interview on the spot!") listed on their site, but it only showed the date and a hint that it was for help desk techs, nothing about where it would be held. It had a little apply button, so I clicked that to send them my resume. If I don't hear anything about it by tomorrow evening, I'll email Art Mata, the local contact for Volt Military. At least I know it's on September 14th.

1551: Signed up for a Mission Continues volunteer event on 9/19. Maybe I can network there.

2030: Overate at supper. Froze the leftover meatloaf. I bought some salad stuff so I can eat a bigger lunch tomorrow so hopefully I don't feel ravenous by supper time. Tomorrow's a new day. It'll be better.