Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Diary 6

September 15, 2015

0922: I feel worse today. Everything inside the right side of my head feels vaguely swollen & achy. I'm running a low-grade fever. My throat is sore, but I'm not sure whether it's from something I'm fighting or having to swallow those monster Lysine supplements. I'm still using Abreva every two hours. I can't imagine that I will get through this on only one tube, and those suckers are $20 each.

An old friend from about 20 years ago contacted me, and we have been emailing back and forth a bit. I'm dropping little hints that I'm not the same person I was then. I weigh way more, I'm not nearly as active, and I don't even have a paying job right now. I have not even broached the subject of politics. I'm probably not going to let it get that far. I am not very good at keeping up with friends, and he lives far away, anyway. Which is for the best, in my opinion. No offense to him, but I'm not interested. I'm not interested in much of anything, to be honest.

I used to use sex as a motivator. When we ran in basic training, I would take my mind off of it by fantasizing about cute guys. In my 20s and 30s, I would use the possibility of bringing someone home as a motivator to clean my apartment (not one-night stands, I would go out with groups of coworkers and someone I'd had my eye on would inevitably be in the group--bringing someone home would always result in dating or a friends-with-benefits situation). These days, I can't even imagine getting involved with someone. I've been single & celibate for about a year and a half. I'm fine with that.

I was about to say, "relationships take too much energy," but then I thought, "what else am I using that energy for?" Funny, right? Not a goddamned thing. So I guess that makes me lazy, not efficient.

Speaking of laziness, I have a full weekend of lawn work planned. When I say "a full weekend," I mean two mornings in a row. We are considering going to the Home Show at the Alamodome on Friday just to get out of the house. Oh my gosh, I just remembered that simply walking from the parking lot is about a quarter mile, never mind walking around inside then walking back to the car. Maybe I'll try to dissuade Mom from going after all. I should never have suggested it to her. I feel so bad for her having to live with rheumatoid arthritis. Here I am laid up because of a cold sore. Geez.

1237: You may have noticed that I'm not staying off of Twitter during the hours I'm supposed to. I have lots of excuses for that, but I'm sure I've covered them already. Anyway, I've been feeling unmotivated and sick. So I'm doing two things today to get unstuck:

1. Listened to an episode of the  ProYou Podcast. I haven't listened to it in a long time, but I really like the kind approach that Tom Deters & John Moretti take to educating listeners about fitness.

The episode I chose to listen to today is #14: Food Addiction. After explaining that sometimes overeating isn't just about a lack of self-control, they encouraged people who might have food addictions to seek professional help to address the underlying issues that lead to overeating. Once they wrapped that topic up, they talk about the dangers of overindulging in sugar and sodium.

Hearing what they had to say about sugar reminded me that between 2012 and 2014 I had lost a lot of weight and felt way better when I cut way back on sugar. I've already begun cutting back again (obviously, I mean post-Great Cheesecake Binge of 2015, a.k.a. GCB15) by not buying bread, staying away from obvious sweets, and avoiding the temptation to eat handfuls of semi-sweet morsels straight from the bag in the freezer. We've also been making suppers that don't include a starch. But the key is consistency (as Tom & John preach often).

Tom & John suggest that one way to keep yourself accountable is to choose a number of carbs you'll eat for the day, then stick with that. I used to read a lot of the Keto subreddit, and their recommended limit is 20-50 grams (net) of carbs per day. I met a woman once who had low-carb'd her way down from a weight of 300-something pounds, and the limit she set for her self was 100g (no idea whether it was net or gross).

I'm not sure what's right for me yet. My labs were actually better after I quit extreme low carb and had gained back all my weight. I think Keto probably isn't for me, and maybe I should be eating more of a South Beach Diet-type of...diet. And I haven't been diligent about journaling my meals, so I have no idea where my daily carb count truly stands. I'm sure I "should" do that.

Anyway, listening to a single episode today gave me a shot of motivation to pay more attention to how my decisions today will affect my future self.

2. Registered for my next certification exam--September 30th is the day. Hopefully this will put the fear into me to actually study. I've written off the Net+ exam a bit, accepting the fact that I'm going to have to pay for my own retake. This takes a bit of pressure off of me while freeing me up to move on to study for the next exam since I have one voucher expiring each month through December.

The past three days I've posted "Diary" entries, they have probably been just chronicles of failures. I'm not going to look back at them right now since I actually sort of remember the past three or four days just fine. I will try to add an accomplishments TL;DR and/or a list of things for which I'm grateful. I'm sure that sounds very Oprah. Too bad. There is too much negativity and snark in my face when I read current events and social media and, as much as I adore snark, maybe it's not the best thing to pump into my eyeballs and brain right before bed.

Speaking of weight loss, mindfulness, and positivity, check out my Twitter pal Delores Curtis. She is 60 years old and lost 180lbs through diet and exercise. Judging by her frequent posts on Instagram and Twitter, she never lets herself forget that the daily choices she makes could put her right back where she started. Thanks for being an inspiration, Dee!

2205: Tonight I'm grateful for being eligible for VA healthcare. I wish nobody had to worry about how they would pay for their basic healthcare needs.